Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
