And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
