Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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