Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize