it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
