I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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