Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
