Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
