You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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