Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
