well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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