I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
