Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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