In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
