I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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