Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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