i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
