walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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