You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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