remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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