16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
