is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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