I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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