That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
