the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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