How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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