We won't sleep together?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
