I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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