she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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