O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
