is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I FOUND THE LEGS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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