The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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