she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize