i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
