You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
