i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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