i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
