I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize