are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
