I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she told me i tasted like america
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
