We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
