K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
