we have officially lost it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
