shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
