You smell like stripper and shame
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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