Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Only a mothe r could love this liver
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
