Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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