Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
