you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
