Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
