Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mom said you looked used
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
