my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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