The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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