her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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