Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
