I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
