So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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