You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
