i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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