So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
false alarm. still invincible.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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