East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
