It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
