Whod you bang
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
