the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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