If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
