If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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