So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
