she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
