god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
