New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
