I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
