Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
