Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
