u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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