I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
