I bet he comes in French.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
