No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
