At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
