We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
