you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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