best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize