i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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