how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
