Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
