I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
