some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
