I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
