Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
