god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
