I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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