And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
