I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize