I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I could fuck to npr.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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