Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
