would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
