bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize