It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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