i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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