he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
