I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
