I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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