Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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