How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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