I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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