why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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