i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize