if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
