So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
