I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
