she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
