My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
